


Once Upon a December

by SherlockWolf



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, OW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 21:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4364897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic, "Once Upon a December" from Anastasia. Summary: He has no idea who he is or was...but will he remember?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon a December

_Dancing bears_

_Painted wings_

_Things I almost remember_

~

    His vision swims as his head pounds with pain. _Where is he?_ Gradually, through the darkness his eyes make out bars that run floor to ceiling in front of him. A prison cell, then? This is not where he belonged. He knows that much.

    What else does he know? He knows…language. English. Russian. French. Names for things.

    That’s it.

    Except…blue. The colour fills his mind as soon as he thinks of it. It’s beautiful. Warm, kind, _home._

~

_And a song_

_Someone sings_

_Once upon a December_

~

    As time passes he learns more about his situation. Every so often someone indistinguishable from the darkness of the cell comes in and slides a plate of food through a small gap in the bars. He sits up and eats with his flesh hand, the metal one sitting slack on his side. He is never given silverware.

    While he wonders why one arm was metal while the other was skin, it never occurs to him that it’s unnatural.

    He’s beginning to remember small things. A voice. Snow. Cold. Coughing. Art. Singing. He knows all of those are connected. Somehow. Some _one._

~

_Someone holds me safe and warm_

~

    When he dreams, he dreams of warmth. Of a small body which brought him endless joy. Of a large one that was no less comforting. He dreams of being wrapped in the arms of blue and toothy grins.

    When he wakes, everything is cold again, and he wishes he could sleep forever.

~

_Horses prance through a silver storm_

_Figures dancing gracefully_

_Across my memory_

~

    He begins to remember things in greater detail. First he remembers home. A small apartment, a couch, a mattress, an easel. The smell of eggs cooking every morning. The laughter of the only voice he can remember. The key under the brick, fireworks out the window that become replaced by snow, a patched wool blanket and cups of hot chocolate.

    Then he remembers the face of his mother.

    She’s beautiful. A gorgeous smile, warm hands, loving eyes. Flowing locks of brown hair.

    And she _loves_ him. It’s the first time he’s recognized the feeling since he’s been in the cell, but whenever he sees her in his mind, he _knows_ it.

    Then there is the face of a man.

    The man’s eyes are soulful; full of joy, wonderment, determination, and pain. And love. There is never a lack love in the man’s blue eyes. But the pain lies there, an undertone. Sometimes it swells, other times it is nearly gone. All he wants to do is erase the pain from the man’s eyes. But he can’t—the man is a merely a memory.

~

_Far away_

_Long ago_

_Glowing dim as an ember_

~

    He wishes that he could remember the name of the man whose eyes are blue and warm and loving. He wishes he could know why this man is in so many of his memories.

_Who is this man? Why does the man matter so much to him?_

~

_Things my heart used to know_

_Things it yearns to remember_

~

    The longer he lies in the dark the more he remembers. He remembers a friend with a spitfire spirit. He remembers how he admired that woman’s courage. He remembers how the man with blue eyes would watch her with more than admiration. And he feels jealousy.

    Eventually he realizes who the man was to him. Memories of the man become increasingly intimate, until he realizes: _they were in love._

If only he could remember his voice.

Or his name.

~

_And a song_

_Someone sings_

~

    When he is released from the cell and locked into a padded chair by strangers in uniforms, they tell him that he’s been locked up for a week in order to heal from his surgery.

    It takes him time to realize that they are referring to his arm.

    They don’t tell him his name. They refer to him as “the asset” and often talk about him as if he isn’t there.

    Then they turn on a machine above his head. They’re murmuring things about _memory_ and _erasing_ and _empty_.

    It terrifies him, but he is powerless.

    As the machine whirs to life, he feels excruciating pain in his head. He screams, screams, and _screams_. He feels his mother’s face slip away, and that of his female friend, and then the memories of the man begin to fade.

    He fights for those. His body writhes in the chair as he tries to hold on to those beautiful blue eyes, that kind smile, that golden hair, that voice that sings him to sleep every night as they’re cuddled on their bed in the cold month of December…

    The last thing he hears is the man’s voice singing:

_You are my sunshine_

_My only sunshine_

_You make me happy_

_When skies are gray_

_You’ll never know dear_

_How much I love you_

_Please don’t take_

_My sunshine_

_Away_

~

_Once upon a December_

_Epilogue_

    It isn’t until decades have passed that he gets to hear that song again.

    After being freed from HYDRA, he’s learned that his name is James “Bucky” Barnes. He’s learned that Captain America—Steve Rogers—is his best friend.

    And his memories are returning. His mother, Peggy, Steve, Brooklyn, the war. They all come trickling back to him.

    It’s another cold December night when he and Steve are wrapped up in each other’s arms, watching the snow fall outside their window.

    Bucky asks him to sing a song for him. Steve starts with some tune Bucky’s never heard of, and he ends up cutting him off before he can finish.

“Not that one.” Bucky says, and Steve starts again. This time, it’s the right song. Bucky closes his eyes and buries his head further against Steve’s neck as he listens.

    Steve’s voice brings tears to his eyes, and when he finishes, Bucky notices the breaks in his breath that indicate Steve’s crying, too.

    So Bucky does the one thing he can think of: he tightens his arms around Steve and promises that his sunshine will never be taken again.

-end-

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Boom done I don’t know how im not /sobbing/ at this point /holy shit/


End file.
